I'm walking on eggshells.

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I have two young children with my partner. Over the years he has started to talk more and more condescendingly to me, not all the time sometimes he can be sweet.
I don't like being talked to like I'm an idiot. Most of the time I just let it slide but sometimes I say don't talk to me like that I don't like. It usually escalates because he goes from zero to 100 and gets very angry. He says mean hurtful things, punches doors etc, says horrible things to the kids. Then he will be in bed for 2 days and won't talk to me or the kids but will get angry because I didn't check on him and offer him food or water.
He's not like this all the time but when there is a a blow up its a big one. He wasn't like this in the beginning, over the years it has gotten worse. I know it's not normal and I'm getting sick of it. When it's blown over he's very sorry and apologetic and it all goes back to normal for a while but I feel like I'm walking on eggshells to prevent another meltdown.
I guess my question is I want to leave but at the same time that thought seems so scary and I don't want to break up the family unit. How do I make the decision. I want to go but at the same time I don't, I want to try make it work.
I've tried to get him to go to counselling but he won't go.

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