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Feeling guilty, having favoritism.

by Jon (follow)
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Feeling guilty, having favoritism.

After the birth of my first child I suffered with the most horrific and debilitating PND. I suspected it early on and did nothing about it till Bub was 8 months old. After great support from my GP, therapist, counselling and parenting program, I felt good and finally happy she was in my life and loved spending time with this little person to make up for lost time. I had another baby 2 years after the 1st and was prepared I might have PND again, but I didn't. Obviously good because I was so deeply in love with this Bub from the beginning, despite Bub being a lot harder than the 1st (allergies, colic, ear problems). Even when things were really hard I was able to carry on and just attend to Bub with whatever she needed. The problem I have is that the attachment I have with both kids is very different. I don't mean to favour one over the other, but I am so much more caring and patient with the 2nd. Everything just comes so natural and unthinking with Bub 2 that sometimes I don't even realise I have left Bub 1 out. Bub 1 has started to act out a bit more and gets really upset so I can tell that even though she might not understand, she can tell that mummy is more patient and caring with her sibling. How can I make my connection with Bub 1 as automatic as Bub 2? As an example, Bub 2 does something wrong and I can take a breath and approach it rationally. Bub 1 does something and I just loose my shit! I imagine that people have different relationships with their kids, but I feel something deeper is missing. I love them both dearly and could never choose one over the other, but my behaviour is doing that. Has someone else experienced this? Thanks

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